The Hostel

We're okay.  Don't worry.

As you no doubt saw, Lyron's place was attacked by Greyskins.  From what I can understand, they're servants of the Choir, though I have no idea whether they willingly agree to do that or whether it infects them.  I hope it's the latter because I can't imagine anyone choosing to do what we saw.

Wayward has an account of this too, but basically, the Greyskins attacked in a horde.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but after seeing them, I actually don't think that proxies are too bad.  These things were like zombies.  They have this grey fungus that covers their bodies (hence, "Greyskins") that makes them look undead, and while I've heard that they're not all as deformed as the ones we ran into, they were grotesque.  Wayward mentioned that some had jaws that looked like they were attached by nothing but skin and fungus, but the ones that stuck out to me were the ones that didn't move quite right, like the bones in their arms and legs had been broken and turned into an extra joint.

We were prepared to go in case something like this happened, but I don't think we were prepared for this.  Maybe Wayward was, because I think she's dealt with Greyskins before, but I was completely lost.  They screamed at one point and when they screamed it was just...this terrible, awful noise, like nails on a chalkboard.  But as terrible as that sound is on its own, the worst part is that it feels like those nails on that chalkboard are insulting you.  Like they nails are writing out the vilest insults that exist and they're aimed directly at you and you can hear it.  Wayward lent me a pair of headphones and put on some white noise, which is what she does.  It helped some, but it wasn't quite enough because at one point it felt like I started crying and my vision blurred but it was red and I was actually crying blood.

I really don't remember much of what happened.  The whole thing was a blur.  I've faced enemies several at a time before, but I've never faced this many at once, and never anything like these Greyskins.  All I know is that we couldn't get out and we were going to die and the only reason we're still alive is that Lyron saved us.  Despite how paranoid we were of her and how little we wanted to trust her, she still saved our lives.  She came out with a handgun and started shooting them and managed to clear enough of them out to help us get to her car.  And then we drove.  I don't know how far we drove.  I think I was passed out for most of it.

We're at a hostel now.  Lyron was the one who suggested it.  Between this and what she did with the Greyskins, we owe her our lives.  But now that I've had time to think about it some...it seems wrong.  From what I've gotten from my research and Lyron's notes, the Choir is sort of fungal in nature.  It grows and multiplies and instills itself in a host.  Between that and how much they reminded me of zombies, I'm fairly certain that these people weren't volunteers.  They were infected.  I don't know whether the Choir destroyed who they once were or, even worse, just took control of their bodies.  The former means that they were people and Lyron gunned them down like animals.  While it's technically self-defense, I really don't like killing.  They didn't understand what they were doing.  Why did they have to die like that just because they didn't understand?

On the other hand, if the Choir just took control of their bodies, that means that they were conscious throughout all of that, unable to stop themselves from attacking us.  In which case, they were good people who were killed because our lives are "more important" than theirs.

I can't condemn Lyron.  Not really.  After all, it was us or them.  But I've seen too many people die.  I can't feel comfortable with that they did.  And it's not just her.  Wayward is something of an arsonist.  She uses aerosol flamethrowers and Molotov cocktails as weapons.  When I practice self-defense, the worst my attackers end up with is a nasty concussion.  Wayward's self-defense reduces attackers to ash.

I don't know what to think anymore.  I used to think that not killing anyone was the moral thing to do.  After all, they're still human, and who am I to choose who lives and who dies.  But could I kill if my life depended on it?  When it comes down to kill or be killed, would I deliver the final blow?  Survivor of the fittest?  Or would I put my morals over my life?  And even then, is that truly me trying to be a good person?  Or am I just trying to convince myself because I'm just a coward who couldn't take another life if he tried?

Anyway, I'd rather not try to think of the answers to that now.  We're at the hostel now.  We're safe again for a bit.  I shouldn't need to think about it right now.  We got here a couple nights ago.  It's strange, being around so many people again.  It's really not that many, but compared to just me, it's a crowd.  They've got a blog, apparently.  I've been trying to read through it in my spare time here so that I can figure out who all these people around me are.  I'll let you know if anything else happens.