Panhandling

I've been using too much internet.  There's not much left on my card.  My money's running out, too.  But at least I made it to a city again.

After finding some free wi-fi I spent some time catching up on what I'd missed and wished I hadn't.  It seems like all of a sudden good people or going bad are dying and bad people are coming back.  It's enough to scare a guy.  Definitely enough to make a guy cry.  It took me an hour to hold back the tears.  I don't want to give anyone special mention or forget anyone so I won't mention any names, but I'll miss all of you who have died recently.  I'm going to be spending the rest of the day without talking in rememberance of you.  And I've decided that everyone who's died that I know of?  I'll scratch your names into Lily to keep them with me at all times.

But I have more things to talk about.  One thing that I never really thought about before I started wandering was how anyone who does this makes any money.  I never stay around long enough to hold a job and it's kind of hard to just find odd jobs I can do.  And who would ask me to do odd jobs anyway, with the way I look now?  Dirty and gaunt with an angry X on my cheek?  No one.

So I had to humble myself today and beg.  Find a place to just sit and try to get some people to help me.  A plastic cup and a cardboard sign letting people know I need help.  I was lucky I guess.  I got what I needed.  I shouldn't panhandle unless I have to.  I was able to get all the food and supplies I needed, though.

I'm going to spend a few more days in the city before heading north again.  I'll talk to you then.

Small Town

I don't like small towns.  In the countryside you can find plenty of open unoccupied shelters like barns and sheds.  In a city there's always somewhere to go and there's plenty of chain stores to buy supplies for cheap, plus you can blend into the crowd easily.  Small towns are too small for you to blend in and too big to sneak around.  There aren't enough stores or shelters and no one just takes a stranger in.  There aren't parking ramps or bridges to sleep under, and there are no barns or sheds to sleep in.    Maybe if you're lucky you'll find a church that's open come nightfall.  No one gets mad at someone who breaks into a church for shelter.  But your best bet is to find a local park or any sort of alleyway and hope the weather is good and the police don't find you.

I don't like police, either.  Some of the things I do to stay safe aren't exactly legal.  I've broken into places and tresspassed a lot.  A stranger in the state I'm in probably isn't going to be someone you want to take into your home, so I have to sneak around in places I shouldn't be to find shelter.  I can't get caught because I'm technically a runaway.  I'm not a legal adult, so I'm not old enough to be living on my own.  If they catch me, they'll send me back, and I can't risk bringing you know what to everybody else.

My battery's dying, so I have to go soon.  I'll figure out tomorrow whether I want to charge my laptop before I leave or after I get to a city.

Parallels

I'm a fan of Rurouni Kenshin, if you couldn't pick up on it from my avatar.  It's a series about a rurouni (or, in English, a wanderer) named Kenshin, living in the Meido period of Japan.  He was an amazing swordsman and a former assassin, but he felt regret over all the death he had caused.  So he took to wandering the earth, carrying a reversed-blade katana as a symbol of his vow to kill no longer.  And a spoiler for those of you still interested in it: the death he felt the most regret for, the death tied to the cross-shaped scar on his cheek, was of his first love.  He took to wandering once she died, because he couldn't face himself.  He wandered the earth to atone for what he had done to her (and all those he had killed).

There are quite a few obvious parallels there.  I'm a wanderer named Kenny, wandering the earth with what could be considered a non-lethal weapon after the death of Lily.

There was something missing, though.

Until now.  When I ran into those proxies a few weeks ago, I didn't come out of it completely unharmed.  One of them had a knife.  I knew I was covered in bruises, but it wasn't until the adreneline wore off that I noticed I was bleeding.

The tip of the knife had scratched my cheek, cutting an angry line across it.

When I was in the city, I got a good look at it.  Once it had scabbed over some, I noticed its location. I had noticed it of course, before, but I only then realized where it was.

I have a Swiss Army Knife that I carry with me. It's a good one, and an incredibly valuable tool if you're going to be wandering. I knew that what I was planning on doing would hurt. But it wouldn't mean anything if I didn't. Gripping Lily as tightly as possible and biting down on my towel to dull the pain, I stared into a bathroom mirror and began to cut.

So now that's another parallel. It's not a scar yet, but I have an X on my face to match Kenshin's.